Why Is Moving Always So Depressing??

It’s been a few weeks since I last posted on here. It’s not because I don’t have anything to say, I ALWAYS have something to say… But I’ve just been so damn depressed. Why is moving always so depressing? I used to love my little apartment but it’s become a jail. Since I quit doing hair three weeks ago I’ve been stuck in this apartment cleaning, packing, throwing shit out that I didn’t even buy. How do we accumulate so much crap in such a short period of time? I’ve only lived here for three years and when I moved in I had a picture of me and my father, a futon, a desk, my camera and computer and some rags I called clothes. Last week I gave three HUGE trash bags of clothes and two huge pieces of furniture not to mention a bunch of miscellaneous electronic stuff and old phones to Goodwill. Thank God they came and picked it up. Most of the clothes were given to me by people who wear things I NEVER would, I just couldn’t say no, it was sweet gesture. The furniture was a donation also from a woman who lived in a huge house, the GIANT furniture from the Huge house took up half my tiny apt. But once again how sweet that I was thought of. The miscellany was old phones and routers that went out of date the very day I bought them. And again… Thank God for Goodwill.

Before I write about all the things I will miss I must talk about what I will absolutely, positively without a shadow of a doubt NOT miss. I will NOT miss the Hellfire and Brimstone BULLSHIT Assemblia Apostolica Church that I have had to live next to for the past three years.  My slum/landlord failed to mention about their weird practice of being very loud, very often. I will not miss being woken up on every Sunday at 8:45 AM sharp to really obnoxiously loud and out of tune ‘Mexican Jesus’ rock music. This is how they think God will hear them… I guess… the louder the better. This also includes bad band practice  and more church functions on Tuesdays and Wednesdays from 7-9PM.

I will not miss the eight families of Mexicans and their 15-20 children that moved into the alley garage apartments after my good friend Crunch, a local gang banger turned Catering Chef who kept the “peace,” moved out. The kids range in age from around 2 to 17. The big ones watch the little ones while the illegal parents work at night. So, the kids being on their own stay up all night and play soccer and football and loud music and laugh and scream and cry until someone eventually calls the police or screams at them. I grew up in HUD housing so I know what its like to not have money or much to do but we went to the park or field out back and we were in at dark. Why can’t they do that?? What’s so great about a crappy, dirty, garbage riddled alley? One particular older boy has to be extra loud. I think he’s going to grow up to be a politician or a porn star.

I won’t miss the kid who moved in upstairs and insists on leaving his laundry; all of his clothes apparently, in the laundry room washer and dryer and on the floor. I also won’t miss his dog pissing on the asphalt or the smell. The dog does this right outside my bedroom window three times a day because the asshole who owns him is too lazy to take the poor dog for a walk. I won’t miss the asshole screaming at his baby-mama and kicking her and the toddler they have together out the door every other week or his loud clearing of the throat and spitting everywhere.

I won’t miss the cockroaches either. These came with the asshole upstairs about 6 months ago. I’ve started naming them. They have older movie star names like Ethel and Hank, Betty and Ronald. My new sweet-n-clean neighbor above me said she is going to start charging them rent. Poor girl. This really did used to be a nice apartment to live in and it’s gone to shit.

I also will not miss the people that I became friends with from around town who, since I have decided to quit partying and going to the local bars, get my shit together and do something a bit different with my life, have now decided to shun me and treat me as if I never existed. Well F- you. I have friends and they love and support my new adventure. So enough about all the negative…

I run in the mornings about three of four days a week to keep my spirits up and feel good. I call it my “Attitude Adjustment” and not “running.” Running sounds dreadful. Similar to “Running Away” or “Running from the Law.” So lately my mantra while I run and listen to my Alternative 80’s station on Pandora is; I will think of all the things I am thankful for until I leave and I will state them out loud while I run. I can’t hear myself becuse I play my music very loud so I am sure I must look like a running loon talking to myself like that. Today, being Sunday and “God’s” day I decided to be especially pious and run by the local Catholic Church where the crazy lady with the really big old dirty wig hands out the days’ sermons and Saint Mary prayer cards. Her name is Margurite Austin. I told her I was thankful for her and she told me,  “God Bless You!” I said, “Well God Bless You Back!” I ran by the homeless black man that I see almost every Sunday walking down the alley with his luggage and his bag of cans and I said Thank You for him because he’s so consistent. He’s always there and I like to think that he is just waiting for me to run by so he can get on with his can getting. I’m glad he hasn’t gone on that trip yet; where ever he is going with that luggage… I ran down to the ocean and said thank you to the ocean for always being there too. I am certain that when I go to bed at night the ocean goes home too and in the morning when I wake up it comes back out and does it’s ocean-y thing just for me. I said thank you to the coffee girls that are always there and know exactly what I want, a small coffee with an inch of space for half and half and cinnamon. I call this my cup of cream with a splash of coffee. I said a lot of thanks today.

There are a lot of things I am going to miss. Like the beautiful weather that we seem to have here almost everyday and my cute little front patio that has become a sanctuary of sorts for me. It was all dead and gross and dying and now it is all green and lush. I hope whoever moves into my apartment will water. I will miss my neighbor Ginny, who lives in the house next door. I will miss her because she and I like to stand out front and bitch about our shitty neighbors. I will miss her dog barking at people walking by and the way she wags her tail after she scares the shit out of them. I will miss the salty air and being able to leave my windows open almost year round. I will miss Pier View Coffee; my after run treat. Johnny Manana’s the healthiest, hottest, freshest Mexican food ever. 333; My favorite surf and turf and vodka bar. Carmine’s Pizza; OK… So my friend Tony owns this place and I love his kids Antonio and Matteo, but I have to say, it is without a doubt the best pizza in California, nothing fancy, just good crust and good sauce made with awesome ingredients. I will miss the Haunted Head Saloon, Firewater and Bub’s and a few of my acquaintances from those bars. I will most definitely miss riding the beach cruiser that my friend Nicole left behind. I hope she doesn’t want it back any time soon… It’s going into storage. I will miss my wonderful bestie girlfriends;  who have stuck by me through all my trials and errors and stuck by me, given me advice, laughed and cried with me and answered the phone when it rang at 3 AM to listen to drunken ramblings. Thank you so much for supporting me and if you don’t come visit me I throw a Michelle tantrum to beat all 3 year olds! I heart you! I include my Mom in this because she is the best girlfriend a girl can have. I will really miss my Mom. Mom we have really been through some shit together. But what is life without a little bit of shit? I love you so much. Thank you for all your patience and love. And if you don’t come visit lady… I take it all back.

I realized as I wrote and rewrote this that maybe moving isn’t so depressing after all? It’s made me think about all the wonderful things I have experienced and all of the people I have met since 2008 when I moved yet again from Georgia. I’ll settle down eventually but for now Florence is where I am headed.  Life really is just one great big fun time experience… Isn’t it!

    I started writing this about 2 weeks ago and never got the chance to finish and post, apologies. I will post some great photos once I get settled on the plane on our way to Italy