Bad Hair Days: Episode 1, The Phantom Mirror.

A moving nest in front of me at the airport; I swear birds flew out!

First things first… Let’s talk about me! It is finally going to happen. I am going to take the big plunge and move to Italy! Florence, Italy!  For one year! I am going to go to school there and study Italiani and Art! Am I bragging? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!!!! This didn’t come as a total whim. I have always wanted to do this and now, after an agonizing broken ankle, several legal issues, a few lost jobs and  maybe a few crummy relationships I am going to take the plunge! Italy here I come and look out Sista… It’s gonna be Mr. Toads Wild Ride! Needless to say I won’t quit talking about hair… I find funny things to chat about all day long especially about hair! If I did write all day long about hair I would take over everyone else’s blog…!

So let’s talk about, “Bad Hair Days.” How many of you do your hair before walking out the door? I would say a great majority. OK, I know some don’t but lets be honest here. We live in a fairly narcissistic environment in the U.S. and most people do something with their hair before walking out the door. My issue is… Do any of you ever really look at the back of your head in the mirror before you walk out of the house in the morning? I don’t know if it is an American thing or a married thing or just a lazy thing but most people walk out of their homes thinking they have it down. Their hair that is done, deodorant is on. The shirt is ironed and tucked and the make-up is on. You think, “I’m look’n G-O-O-O-O-D!” Well, let me tell you… You don’t. I’m not picking on YOU here, I’m just saying… Check the back of your head before you leave the house.

To do this you must have one thing; A decent size (make-up) mirror. Turn away from the bathroom mirror and hold the make up mirror up higher than your head facing you. Look into the mirror and “try” to angulate that mirror with the back of your head and the opposite mirror (the one behind you.) Really it doesn’t take an engineering degree, just some basic eye/balance/brain thinking in opposites, skills! Voila! There is the back of your head!

Hello Whorl! Hello Frizzle Frazzle! Hello harried, first time mother head (OK, You can have a 6-8 week reprieve.) Hello JBF Hair. Hello Grey Hair that I couldn’t properly see, yet still colored myself! Hello older than Jesus back comb job/greasy mess; conditioner/color I didn’t rinse out well. HELLO BAD BALD SPOT COMB-OVER MESS. Hello mis-placed toupee! Hello Bad Extension Job that I didn’t properly brush this morning or  last night, oh wait last weekend; ala Brit Spears…Yes YOU!

A Story:

My mother had Scarlett Fever when she was a kid. One of the side affects of having this as a child, is hair loss. My mom had beautiful thick, one inch thick braids, on each side of her glorious head until the Scarlett Fever. Eventually, as she grew into a teen she started having alopecia areata. Which is essentially; balding. To combat this as an adult she wore wigs. I know because I used to find them in her bottom drawers as a child and wear them around the house. The wigs had straight hair and I had curly (hated it) so I thought they were awesome! My mom wore wigs when I was a tot and then I guess she realized she couldn’t win and gave up and came to peace with her sparse yet colorful hair. She got perms in the 80’s and then cut it cute in the 90’s. And now she just wears it slightly colored, curly (burnt from the 1/4 inch iron) and very short. When I can I cut  all the burn off and style it and she looks adorable! But I have gone off track here; My mother has never gone out of her home without looking at the back of her head. She always makes sure that those three hairs are covering her pate in a spectacular manor. Back combed, coiffed and sprayed stiff, out the door she goes. She is so neurotic about this that when she fell off her bathroom counter a month ago (story for another day) she didn’t want to go to the ER until she had showered and done her hair. Just so you know I made her go without and felt like the horrible daughter I have been told I am.My point here is that if my round, 5ft tall mother can fix the back of her hair, so can you!

Please… For the sake of the others around you, Just take a minute to look at the back of your head, because even though you may look great from the front that doesn’t mean that there won’t be someone walking behind your ass thinking, “What the fuck?”